There is a lot of controversy surrounding the idea of being a stay at home daughter. Some believe that the daughter's place is within the home, where she is under the protection of her father and can develop her gifts and abilities while supporting and learning from her family. Others believe that daughters staying within their homes leads to girls who are shut ins, dominated by their parents, without a thought of their own and putting their futures at risk while having the best years of their life squandered away. By God's grace, He convicted me that my calling was to serve my family within the home and, with His strength, I am learning many priceless lessons and discovering wonderful benefits from being a 'stay at home daughter' which I would like to share with you.
For the purposes of this article, a stay at home daughter is a daughter who puts the majority of her time and energy within her home, building up her family and putting herself under the God given protection of her family, especially her father. She may or may not be working from home, for her father or perhaps part time for someone outside of her family. She may or may not be studying from home or some other part time arrangement. The idea is not to be legalistic, but to embrace the biblical calling on daughters to be 'pillars in their homes', supporting and beautifying their family household.
1. You are flexible
When you are not held to a full time work schedule or the hours of a university lecture, you have a great amount of flexibility with your time. You have the freedom to meet an urgent need on short notice or you can help a hard pressed mother during the week when you might have been able to do so otherwise.
2. You get to put your energy into building up someone you care about
Why would I want spend the most productive years of my life and use all my time and energy to build the success of a total stranger whose physical future I care little about when I could invest all that energy and time into my family who I love and care for?
3. Your study life is terrific
As someone who has done quite a bit of external study as a stay at home daughter I can truely testify that the study life is fantastic! Your lecture times are flexible, you can work through your assignments or units as fast as you like and the learning environment is very positive. I found being surrounded by my family invaluable for bouncing subject ideas and getting alternative oppinions as well as appreciating the amazing support and encouragement.
4. You learn about real relationships
You can't fake a personality when you live with someone 24 hours a day. When are with your family all the time without the distractions of work or heavy study, you have to make it work, personality clash or no. You learn to compromise, adapt, forgive and love anyway. You learn truthfullness, gracious speech and accountability. There's no faking it.
5. You discover life long friends
This point sort of sequels the last one. You may not be able to choose your family, but you can choose to make your family your friends. It's an amazing thing when God gives you a love for your family. Your siblings become your best friends. It does take work, but it's worth it. Invest in your family. When you've married and moved and your friend circles have changed, your family will still be your family and they will still love you.
6. You are able to pursue so many interests
I have had the opportunity to try so many things and explore many interests as a stay at home daughter. Some things I've done include cake decorating, quilting, website design, creative writing, rag rug making, song writing, floristry, childen's ministry, event planning, commercial cooking and playing the ukulele. If you use the resources in your hands and take the opportunities that the Lord gives you, you will find you that you have many chances to pursue all sorts of interests.
7. You go into marriage prepared
What better way to prepare for marriage to a fully human, redeemed sinner who you will love, serve, follow and be protected by than to love and serve your family of redeemed sinners and be under the protection and leadership of your Dad. If all your time is taken up with work or commitments outside of the home, when are you going to prepare to run a household or teach your children or feed a family? The time between the 'end' of your schooling and when you get married is precious and the perfect time refine your homemaking skills. It is also the perfect time to really study different issues such as homeschooling, immunisations, birthcontrol or entertainment and find out what the Bible has to say about them and really cement the convictions you will be building your future family on.
8. Your living expenses are down
Hey, you might not be earning a million a year, but your living expenses are low. Some things are worth more than money. Things like healthy relationships and Godly wisdom can't be bought. But from a physical standpoint, you have less petrol fees, no electricity or water bills, little or no rent and the food's free!
9. You have a free counseling service
Your parents really do have superhuman attributes. God has given your parents the amazing priviledge and heavy responsibility of guiding you both physically and spiritually. And along with that calling He has given them amazing wisdom and discernment. Really, I don't always understand it, but I know it is true because God says that's what He does in His word and because I've seen it work in my life. But it's not just spiritual issues. My parents have been amazing with giving loving but realistic advice whenever I come up with a 'great' new business plan or the like.
10. You heart softens to your family
It's amazing how fast us frail humans manage to forget the lessons we have learned or get distracted by foolish things if we are not constantly soaking ourselves in God's word and reminding ourselves of the truth. My sister and I have both found that even after just a short time away from our family or being in a situation where the father is not the head of the home, we struggle to re-adjust and slot back into our roles within our family. When we spend most of our time away from our family and surrounded by people whose views and lifestyles are often opposit to our own we are constantly being poisoned with seeds of doubt and discontent. Even though we don't consciously make a decision to change our views, unless we consciously fight these lies, we let some of those seeds take root and slowly we harden our hearts to our family and our convictions. Suddenly, we start getting annoyed when our parents talk about modesty, our housework becomes a punishment and our frugal or 'homely' ways become embarrasing. However, when you are intentionally embracing your role as a daughter in the home, bathing yourself in God's truth and surrounding yourself with people who encourage and support your biblical views, your heart softens and you become pliable in God's hands and He is able to teach you amazing things.
11. Your faith is strengthened
When you cut out the chaos of the rat race and take life at a slower pace, you start to notice the small things in life and begin to see what the big picture really is. You finally have the time to really dig into God's word and you can really study those hard subjects in depth. Also, there are so many spiritual lessons to be learned from being a stay at home daughter. You learn to love, to find joy, persevereance, self control, humility and, two of the greatest ones, patience and contentment. Not that you learn these things by default or straight away or that you won't have to learn them again and again, but this is a priceless opportunity to get serious about your faith.
12. You get to go on holidays
Okay, so this isn't a major thing, but every holiday counts right? When you are not working all the time, having your hours set by your employer's roster, you have the chance to go on more of those spontanious one night camp outs or be able to fit in that five week family holiday. It may not be crucial to existence, but sharing holidays with my family is something I treasure and I wouldn't want to miss the chance.
So, there are twelve of the benefits of being a stay at home daughter that I have experienced during my time. I know there are many more but this is just one post that cannot fit them all in. The rights and wrongs of being a stay at home daughter is a spiritual decision that you need to make for yourself, but I hope you found this article helpful and encouraging.
With love from your sister in Christ,
Sabrina
